To everything, there is a season...

I'd like to tell the story of how God moved me to be in the right place at the right time, and how he heard my pleas and answered in a strange way. I was about 18 years old, it was one of those days, I was depressed and feeling like I would never have someone to love. My last girlfriend had been when I was 15. I was flipping through the channels on the tv. I stopped on a channel that was broadcasting one of those Televangelists. He was speaking loudly and rapidly, he would say things like, "You there alone in your house, God will answer that prayer, and you driving in your car, God knows how hard this has been for you and He will send you help". Then he said something that had to be for me. He said, "You there wallowing in loneliness, God is sending you a love, she will be recently divorced with two young children. They are gonna need you". I got on my knees and cried, I was full of joy. I knew that message was for me. I dont remember that preachers name, but he spoke to me that day. I was uplifted and had a reason to live again. Years passed and that love never showed up and I began to doubt. I doubted myself, I doubted God. I thought that I was at such a low point that I must've been grasping for anything that would pull me out of it. Then a few years later, I was 26, my brother and his wife came to visit us. They lived in Tennessee. They spoke well of Tennessee and then they invited my mother and myself to move down there. I felt the hand of God pushing me. I knew that this move was the right thing for me. My mother once asked me if I was sure that I wanted to move, I told her I had to. I felt my destiny waiting for me there. By November of that year I am living in Tennessee and it is beautiful. I met, immediately, a woman with two young kids, whose husband had just left her. I knew she was for me. It took me awhile to get around to asking her out. Thankfully I had a push from my niece, she knew how I felt about this lady, she could sense it. She pushed me in the right direction and I thank God and my niece for bringing us together. We finally got married in 2001. We had lived "in sin" from 1994. My wife was cautious, she was afraid I would leave her like her first husband did. It took me some time to fully win her trust. During that time I got to know her kids and I love them so much. They are my kids, I may not have made them, but God made sure they were there because he knew I wanted a family of my own more than anything. I am unable to have kids so they are truly a blessing. It is 2008 and my wife and I are closer than ever, our youngest just turned 18. Thank You God. You saw my need and you fulfilled it. Your love saved me. Thank you.

He who has eyes to see, let him see...

I want to talk about the supposedly good Christians. My wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, was waiting, for some reason, in the car and a guy approached her and started making conversation. That seems strange unless you know this little town we live in, people are overly friendly. Anyways, during this conversation my wife mentioned that she was about to get married for a second time. He was shocked, he asked her what church she went to. She replied that she didnt go to church, which further shocked him. He said that she would burn in hell for being divorced from her first husband unless she got permission from a minister to marry again. Even though her first husband cheated on her and left her with two young kids and a stack of bills. He then walked away. She told this story to me, and I replied that he must be old school Christian, fire and brimstone. I told her that God himself would not say that to her, He would understand. Fast forward a few years later, and we go visit my wifes Grandmother. She was in her eighties at the time. She told us how a friend of hers told her she was going to hell because she couldnt attend church. She was physically unable, though she had been a good Christian all her life. Would Jesus say that, or would he bring the church to her? This is why I dont trust churches, those guys were raised believing that stuff, their respective churches cultivated them to believe the way they wanted them to. George Carlin, who was not a religious man, once said that religion is mind control. I find that to be true. My daughter attends a Methodist church, and sometimes she comes home with some weird ideas about whats right and whats wrong. My wife and I then take time to explain to her what we believe, and why we disagree with what she learned at church. A few years back, I dont recall the exact circumstances, my beautiful and intelligent daughter said she thought that if a girl got raped she deserved it. Imagine the shocked expressions on our faces. We had a very long conversation and straightened her out. But just to think that she learned that somewhere, frightens me. Where in this world are people teaching that kind of thinking. I think this religious mind control goes all the way back to the Romans. They edited the Bible to suit their needs, so they could use everyones fervent belief to control them. It has been the same all through the centuries. I decided long ago that I would worship God in my own way. How many people were burned at the stake in the name of God. That proves to me that organized religion is dangerous. Believe in God, do not believe in church. If you attend a church for whatever reason you must constantly ask yourself if what they are saying is in accordance with Gods infinite love.

...and then there was light.

I woke up this morning and took a moment to speak to God, I asked him if this blog is something he wants me to do, if it is, I asked, please give me a subject to write about today. After that I lay there in my bed, listening to my own thoughts, there it was. To Err Human, To Forgive Divine. It just popped in there. Divine is an interesting word, it has many meanings but all of them pertaining to God or Religion. Dictionary. com says this:

1.
of or pertaining to a god, esp. the Supreme Being.
2.
addressed, appropriated, or devoted to God or a god; religious; sacred: divine worship.
3.
proceeding from God or a god: divine laws.
4.
godlike; characteristic of or befitting a deity: divine magnanimity.
5.
heavenly; celestial: the divine kingdom.
6.
Informal. extremely good; unusually lovely: He has the most divine tenor voice.
7.
being a god; being God: a divine person.
8.
of superhuman or surpassing excellence: Beauty is divine.
9.
Obsolete. of or pertaining to divinity or theology.

And thats just the nouns! There were so many verbs, adject verbs, and adjectives that I decided to just go with the nouns, they best represent the point I am trying to make. My personal favorite is No. 7 being a god; being God: a divine person. What that says to me is that God is full of forgiveness if to forgive is divine. Then we must try to be godlike, our souls are a little piece of God. Just like a child is a sum of his or her parents. It's almost like a yin yang symbol, we are half human and half divine. What half do you allow control, the physical, or the spiritual? If you can forgive anything then your spiritual side is in control, if you are concerned with physical things then your human side is in control. I am trying very hard to pull away from that human side and give control to my spiritual/divine side. I am a pilgrim on a journey of spiritual awakening and this blog is a way of expressing that which I have learned and hopefully will open my mind to more of Gods lessons.

I told my family that I was writing this blog, my daughter said I should go to her church. This is where my beliefs contradict most Christians beliefs. I told her I didnt believe in organized religion. I dont trust churches. Churches seem to subvert the divine and make their own rules to control the "flock". That is why preachers or ministers are called "Pastors". He is herding his flock to all believe the way he does. What if he is corrupt? The flock, no matter how good its members are, will be led astray. I believe that you dont need a church to be a Christian and you can worship God anywhere, He is everywhere. I choose to worship him at home, where I am most at peace, and God has no trouble finding me there. I can talk to him anytime, anywhere, and I can take time and listen to his responses anytime, anywhere. I heard an interesting quote the other day that seems appropriate to put here. Prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening to God. So if you are just starting out on this path to find God, dont go to a church, look within. Sit in a room all alone for hours, do not speak, relax and let your mind go. You will find him there in your heart and he will speak to you in ways that at first may seem like your own thoughts but then you begin to realize that your not thinking it, your hearing it. May God find you and may you recognize him. Peace.

In The Beginning...

I have started this blog today to express my beliefs and to explore faith. I want to delve into my own struggle with finding faith. I've been considering doing this for awhile now. I received some final motivation to get started today, it occured to me that, Faith=Confidence. It is almost as if a light turned on in my head. I have to be confident that God is with me and watching out for me. A few days ago my lovely wife recieved an email from one of her relatives that contained a message about God. This is what it said:

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.

He sends you flowers every spring.

He sends you a sunrise every morning, face it friend he is crazy about you.

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

That last part about how, if He brings you to it, He will bring you through it, hit me like a rock. I was struck with how profound that truly is. I believe that every sentence of the above is true.
God loves us all. Even those who dont believe in Him. I say Him because thats the traditional reference to God. But I believe that God is a duality, Father and Mother to us all. He teaches us lessons in Father form, he loves us unconditionally in Mother form. I believe in Jesus. I believe he walked the Earth. At the same time I believe he has had many names. There are distinct correlations between his teachings and that of the Hindu Gods, and that of Buddha. Whatever name you wish to use to identify him, his message is still the same. Love All. Forgive All. I came to this understanding of Gods unlimited love for us all by hearing a country music song. Randy Travis was singing about a Fathers Love. If you know the song, then you may know what I'm saying. In the song he says that "a Fathers love is a love without end, amen". That struck me as profound. I have read most of the bible, I have read every ebook I could find about exploring your inner self and self help. No one book sold me on everything but each of them left me with at least one point I could believe in as truth. Seek out the truth for yourself, go to libraries, if you truly wish to know God, look inward. Read books on the subject, look into websites and scour through religions of all sorts, you may find faith. You might just find one little nugget of wisdom that you can you can put with all your other beliefs and knowledge. I think of it as building a crown, each piece of truth or bit of knowledge, each chunk of understanding and each step towards faith are all parts of a broken crown, when you finally put it all together you are one with God. Knowledge is divine, God knows all.